It Would be Cool if My Blackberry & My iPod Were the Same Thing

The title of this post says it all. I want a single device that has:
– Cell phone
– Email (Blackberry pager style) & PIM (Palm Desktop)
– iPod MP3 player
– Digital camera (stills or short videos)
– e-Wallet (all my credit/debit cards on a chip, securely protected)
– LCD for video/still images and text
– Broadband wireless Internet
– Bluetooth, and Bluetooth earbud/mic
– Java OS so I can download and run stuff
– Laser gun (OK, OK, had to throw that in)
– AM/FM radio receiver
– Retinal or fingerprint scanner or some other built-in biometric security so only I can use it
– Bar code reader (would be useful to have — would enable me to scan items that I want to price compare or remember for later)